Ron’s Rant

I hate linen clothing. I don’t like the way it crinkles and creases. I hate linen shirt’s especially, for as soon as you take it, crisply ironed off the hanger, it is ruined. Then as you begin to wear it, it starts to deform, it never holds its shape and virtually melts in a crumpled mess. 

I hate linen jackets and I hate linen pants too, because invariably as time wears on, you end up looking like a crumpled ball of wastepaper. And your crotch by the end of the day sends all the wrong messages. But my wife loves linen and thinks that l look good in it. So she buys me linen clothes even though I tell her that I hate linen. 

I am not a conspiracy theorist but I suspect she puts me in linen to make her look even more beautiful than she is, as she drags around a crumpled contorted miserable looking Quasimodo. It makes me feel ugly and I feel like a little child that is getting a speck of food rubbed of my face with her spit moistened hankie. 

I really hate linen clothing. I’m ok with linen tablecloths but they don’t move. Just sit flat and can’t wrinkle. I just hope when I die they don’t dress me up in linen.. actually it would probably be the only time I wouldn’t wrinkle… but I still hate linen..